Never Party Because You're Not Old Enough Even If You're 20
by NutCracker1911
Summary: really, he should've seen it. Shinsengumi and yorozuya always smells problem, Katsura also didn't help. And party is never a good thing. slight OkiKagu
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Phew. I don't know how long it has been since my last time writing in this fandom. I want to try writing comedy this time, seeing my fic always about angst while gintama means comedy lol. This'll be my first try, so sorry if its not funny enough (at least I'll try for it to be funny lol).**

 **And sorry for any misspelling, grammar mistake, and character OOC, seeing I don't own gintama and English is not my mother language.**

 **Disclaimer: haven't I said that I don't own gintama? Read the A/N carefully**.

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 **Never Party Because You're Not Old Enough Even If You're 20++**

Chapter 1: the guest is 68% of the importance of a party

They said that there's an 8 special days from 30 days a month when that day will be a really good day, really really good day.

Okay. It's actually Gintoki who said it, when he got a lucky win in pachinko, totally not looking the tomorrow day when he had to listen to that old bat yelling about rent while he suffered in toilet because of the expired strawberry milk that he drink night before. You asked where the money that he win before go? Duh. Of course he spent it for drinks, did you really had to asked that?

But if it were true, maybe today is one of that 8 days.

The weather was really nice, there's no yelling from the old hag asking for rent (thank you very much for the annual trip to onsen for the neighborhood (yorozuya didn't come, of course because they didn't have the money for it)), strawberry milk were plenty in the refrigerator, and the newest jump edition were really good.

Yup. The Shiroyasha really sure that today will be a great day, that's why he decided to go to the pachinko later.

At least that's the plan, you know, before the do-s prince from the bakufu dog came.

Ugh. Everyone know that shinsengumi and problem were really close, as close as con*n and corpse, or nar*to and rashengan.

Especially when shinsengumi meet with yorozuya.

"Whatever you said, we won't accepted it. Can't you see, we're busy!"

Crimson eyes looking around with its deadpan eyes. "Hmm… if what you mean by busy are megane watching idol show, china pig eating junk, and old man sleeping while reading jump, yeah, you guys seems busy enough."

"Hey! Who do you called china pig?!"

"And who do you called old man?! Just so you know, I'm still 18 years old at heart!"

"Sorry Okita-san, but we're really planning to go later evening. I don't know Gin-san, but me and Kagura-chan are planning to go to my house." Said the glasses who were to tired to correct his mispronounced name from everyone, even the author. He gave the guest a cup of tea.

"Just so you know, I'm planning to go this evening. There's adult business that children like you guys won't understand." Gintoki continued to read his jump, not looking at his client at all.

"Hmm… is that so. If you're busy then so be it." The prince from planet sadist then walked to the exit. "Too bad. Just so you know, you guys will also receive an invitation to a small party which will be held tonight. The sake that we're prepared are of good quality, you know- "

"Sake?"

"-and the food that I saw earlier were all delicious, and of course, plentiful-"

"Food?"

"-and of course…free."

"FREE?" 

Kagura immediately blocking the door while Gintoki lead the sadist to sit on the sofa with business smile on his face. "Ah… welcome, dear honored guest. We're the yorozuya. We're ready to hear and do whatever request you give, no matter how hard it is."

Patsuan could only sweat dropped looking at the sadist of shinsengumi slurping his tea while the shameless human being who sadly were his co-workers slashed family both looking at the client with sparkling eyes and looks full of hope.

"Ah… so thirsty. Outside were really hot. How could I talk if my voice are this hoarse?"

"Shinpachi! Quick! Refill the tea!"

"Ah. If you could, can you also give me some cake? I'm hungry."

"You heard it, Patsuan! Take that cake from yesterday!"

Megane could only sighed and went to the kitchen. He could swore he saw some sadist look from the client (even if he is like that every other day anyway).

"So here's the thing, danna." The shinsengumi talked very slowly, painfully slow, making all the resident of the room cranky. "Hmm.. this cake are really delicious…"

"Oi! Just said whatever your request is, baka sadist!"

Okita stare at our main heroine with unimpressed stare. "Oh. Is that how you treat your honored guest here?"

Gintoki immediately smacked his foster daughter's head. "Baka! We still need him! Just be patient!"

"Yah, I don't expect much from this shop anyway." Okita then continue too bite his cake. "Besides, the cake were to sweet and the tea were to hot."

Looking at his boss who started to looked furious, megane as the only one normal enough immediately stir the conversation. "So, Okita-san, why do you came here? And what do you mean with the small party?"

"Ah. Thanks for reminding me, Shimura-san. I nearly forgot why I came here." He then put the cup on the table. "Here's the thing. We want to held a small party for Kondo-san tonight, and because he said that you guys are one of our good friend, with a heavy heart we had to invite you guys."

' _Ugh. Then why do you still invite us.'_ Angry tick showed in the megane's forehead. ' _But we do need them._ ' "We'll gratefully take your invitation, Okita-san. But if I may ask, what is this party about?"

"But don't you guys said you're really busy this afternoon?"

' _Patient, patient Shimura Shinpachi. You're better than this_.' Fake smile shown in the youngest Shimura's face. "Ah. I guess we're all agree that this party are more important then our previous schedule."

"Yah, I don't really care what you guys were planning anyway." Okita smirked seeing his rival and her foster dad fighting each other, probably to decided who can launched the first blow to his face. "Long story short, the party was held to celebrate the 1.683 times Kondo-san was rejected."

Shinpachi then cracked. Straight-man activated.

"HAH? JUST FOR THAT KIND OF THING WE HAD TO PASSED 967 WORD? BESIDES, WHAT KIND OF SURBORDINATE YOU GUYS, CELEBRATING YOUR BOSS'S FAILURE? AND WHAT KIND OF NUMBER IS THAT? SO RANDOM!?"

"Chill, Patsuan." Even if his boss's word were not convincing enough, seeing the bruise he had, but at least he was already calmed enough to said those kind of word. "You heard what he said, we will come. I promise this. You just provide us that plentiful food and good sake you promised earlier."

Okita just stare with his innocent looked which was obviously fake. "Ah. Did I said that? Oops. I forgot."

"OI!"

"Huh. It's okay, Gin-chan. We just don't need to come then."

"Yah, what can I say, it's not like you guys recorded it earlier." Okita showed his infamous smirk. "Not like how I recorded your sentences. Hmm… what'll happened if this were shown, yorozuya didn't keep his promises just because we don't have the food and sake?"

Gintoki getting cold sweats. "Yo… you're just bluffing!"

Okita sighed. "Well, I'll gladly replay the recorder, but don't you feel sorry for the author if she had to rewrite every conversations we had? Besides, our conversations were long enough, don't you feel sorry for her hand?"

"It's okay. She can copy paste it. Her hand won't be that tired."

"Well, if you insist…" Okita took his recorder that he kept under his hakama and put it on the table. His hand were on top of the play button when…

"Stop! Stop!" The glasses wearing human stop the sadist. "We believed you. Besides, it's already 1.000++ words, and we haven't even in the main story, haven't even in half of the story!"

The sadist just stare indifferently at the glasses in front of him. "You're right." He then put the recorder back. "Well, besides, I believe you guys will come. After all, your favorite word were free food." He then grab his tea which had already turned cold. "But yah, nothing is really free in this world. Finish our request, and you guys will be welcomed at our party. It's not that hard, just took it as a regular client's request."

Gintoki who had already tired from the sadist's long enough presence in his house, plus the author who had already bored writing this scene decided to not care about the sadist's behavior. "Just say what you need to say."

Okita who seems to not understand about how the weary atmosphere around him (more like pretend to not understand) just slurped his tea and continued. "Please prepare a cabaret girl for Kondo-san."

Dead fish eyes meet crimson eyes. "Care to repeat that again?"

"Yah, seeing this is a bachelor party, plus it's to comfort a broken hearted man, we think it's nice to give him a cabaret girl to tone up the party, don't you think so?"

"Err…"

"Not that hard, isn't it? I think it's worth the free food that we'll provide."

"Ano.."

"Isn't yorozuya will finish the request, no matter how hard that is?"

"But…"

"Don't you guys have many female acquaintance? Just use them and tell them to pretend to be a cabaret girl for just one night."

Megane sweat dropped, remembering how all the gintama ladies act which don't need to be explained anymore to the reader.

Kagura stood excitedly. "Oh. Seems interesting. Let me be that cabaret girl!"

Gintoki immediately spurred his tea. "Wha-"

"China, you're kidding right?" Okita stared with his deadpan look. "Who in their right mind would interested with a brat like you?"

Kagura just talked like she didn't heard her rival's word. "I always want to try it, just like anego or Tsukky!" Shinpachi swore the glare he received from the first division captain were not his imagination. "Besides, I'm already 16, so they don't need to be afraid to be called lolicon."

"They'll still be called lolicon if they approached you, you idiot." Okita scoff. "Besides, have you ever looked at the mirror? Or is this house even have mirror?"

Kagura smirked at her rival. "Oh, I looked at my self, sadist. I looked every day to stare at my godly beautiful body. Why? You jealous that I could grow like this just in the 2 year span?"

Okita couldn't hold it anymore. His knuckle on his side had whitened. ' _How could she be this dense! Her body did looked like adult but her brain are still that of a child!_ ' With a glare he said, "Listen, China-"

Unfortunately his words were cut by slap from the Shiroyasha to his foster daughter's head. "Baka. You're still not old enough to do that kind of thing!"

Kagura pouted. "But, Gin-cha-"

"No but! No is a no!" Gintoki stood. "We'll take it. Just make sure you guys provide the food, and we'll provide the woman."

Okita stood following the silver haired old man (Hey!) "Glad we could make a deal." He then walked to the exit. "Oh. The party started at 7 pm tonight. Just bring the woman on that time around."

Gintoki exhale his unconsciously held breath seeing the closed door. "Finally."

"We don't have much time, Gin-san! Now is already 1 pm, and we need to hurry to find a woman for tonight!"

Gintoki just stared at the megane lazily. "This is what makes you still stay a virgin, Patsuan. Our female friends are many, just pick one of them."

Patsuan just jaw drop. "You're kidding right, Gin-san? You do know how our friends act."

"Me! Me! I can be the cabaret girl!"

"The quality didn't matter, as long as there's oppai and don't have a stick. What'll happen at that party are not our business." Said Gintoki while he picked his nose, behind him Kagura grumble.

"But-"

"Just relax, Patsuan. How about this. We start looking at 3 pm. I want to sleep for a while, my energy were depleted by that sadist."

"YOU JUST WANT TO SLEEP, GODDAMMIT!" But even if he said that, he did tired for dealing with the prince of planet sadist earlier. And looking at his co-workers who don't have any intention to start searching, he just sighed and watched tv for a while. Not bad, 2 hours to looked at Otsu-chan. Please someone tell him why did he sacrificed his time dealing with a sadist rather than watching Otsu-chan. ' _Ah. Because we don't have a client for a while_.' Sad, yes. But hey, if you think about it, they just need to find a woman (forget the 4 hours time limit) and they could eat as much as they want. Maybe today really is a good day.

"Besides, looking at a woman is easy. We could get it in 5 minute, yah, 30 minute at least." Said the silver haired man before he went to sleep.

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5 minute had passed, and they still haven't find a woman

30 minute had passed, and they still haven't success

By 2 hour, the megane started to panic, while the strawberry milk lover seems to started feeling a bit of panic.

After 3 hour finding and still didn't get a woman, Shinpachi cracked.

"NOO! SHINPACHII!"

"IT'S JUST MY GLASSES, GUYS!" a tick of anger shown on the glasses's forehead. "Besides, the most important thing right now are not that, but our fate! It's already 6 pm and we still haven't find a woman!"

"Why do you looked at me like that, Patsuan?" Gintoki gasp. "Don't tell me… no.. sorry, but I don't swing that way…"

"WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND, YOU DIRTY OLD MAN?"

"Gin-chan, Gin-chan…" Kagura pulled Gintoki's kimono sleeves. "if it's like this, don't you think it's better for me to be the cabaret girl?"

Gintoki looked at his foster daughter. His precious daughter. It did hurt trying to imagine his daughter serve stinky men and dirty gorilla like that bakufu dog, but the problem is his pride (and his stomach) were at stake here.

Gintoki then put his hands on the Yato's shoulder, with a solemn look he said, "I'm sorry, my beloved daughter. I've been trying as hard as I can, but there's no other way besides sacrificing you to be the caba-"

"BELOVED MY ASS! YOU JUST SACRIFICE HER FOR YOUR PRIDE (plus stomach)!" Shinpachi took a deep breath. "BESIDES, IT IS YOUR FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE! IF WE STARTED EARLIER MAYBE WE WOULD FIND SOMONE. BUT NO! YOU WITH A CONFIDENT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT COMING FROM SAID THAT IN 5 MINUTE WE WOULD FIND SOMEONE AND DECIDED TO SLEEP!"

Gintoki frown while Kagura glared at the megane, either because he could thwart her plans or because of his saliva spurted toward her porcelain white face, making it drenched.

"Ah…where did I make my mistake?"

"IT'S BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T EVEN CONSIDERED THEIR ANSWER!"

"Yah, it's not my fault. Besides, have you looked at our friends? They're not cabaret girl material (beside Otae and Tsukuyo)!" Gintoki try to remember the last hours ago. "Kyubei is from a distinguished family, so it's impossible. Tama went with the old hag. The stalker… don't even asked. Just imagine go with her make me want to hurl. Besides, it is not a M stalker meeting party-"

"Yes, because there's also a sadist in there."

"-seriously, the only girl we could ask is Tsukuyo, but she reject it because she's unwilling to be with that gorilla!"

"Yah, I guess it's a good thing, Gin-chan. I mean, Tsukky is weak with alcohol. The party would be ruined."

"And the hakka and yoshiwara are busy. Even the cabaret girl in Tae's job also busy. Seriously? I know the author has already tired writing this obnoxious fic, but at least give us a good reason, not just a lazy classic brainless reason like busy!"

"Our adventure to find the woman also time skipped to 3 hours latter just because of that lazy author!"

"There, there. Regret is of no use. Besides that's why we're here, right? To find a woman…" Shinpachi looked at the shop name, Okama bar clearly printed there. "Err..or a man faking to be a woman…"

"If it like this, we'll lower our standard. We don't need to find a woman with oppai and no stick. Woman with a stick and no oppai is also okay." Gintoki nod amazed with his own idea. "Besides, if you think about it, isn't that gorilla fancied something like this? No oppai? I mean, that gorilla was crazy with your sister which, mind you, clearly didn't have any oppai."

"Hey! Don't insult my sister! Besides our standard from the first place are already minimal, so that new standard can't be called-"

"Gintoki?"

Every eyes stared at a beautiful woman…or man… with a long black haired tied on the side, showing an elegant and soft woman even if she is a he.

"Zura…"

"Zura janai, Zurako desu." Zurako immediately pulled Gintoki to the shop. "I don't know your reason to come here, but we haven't seen each other for long, so come in, I'll buy you a cup of sake."

The glasses fix his Shinpachi. "Katsura-san. If we could, we would like to meet with Saigo-san. We need his help right now."

Zurako stop and raised his brow. "Help?"

The glasses started to told him from the meeting with sadist until their predicament with finding a woman. Wonderful isn't it? Just with 18 word the author could explained 2.837 words she previously wrote. Really practical.

"So you want to borrow someone from here?" Katsura using his thinking pose. "But I'm sorry. As long as I remember, everyone is busy. Even Saigo-san was not here at this moment."

Seeing the sad expression from his friends (except leader who strangely looked happy), Zurako as a good friend couldn't ignore that tight feeling on his chest. "Hey. I'm currently available right now. Why don't I come?"

Yorozuya immediately looked at the leader of terrorist with a stare like they saw baka ouji suddenly become a bishounen. Patsuan is the first who recover. "I'm sorry, Katsura-san. But don't you think it's dangerous if a leader of joui like you go to the police headquarter which, may I remind you, born just to apprehend you?"

"Don't worry, Shinpachi-kun. Besides, I could use this opportunity to get some important information from shinsengumi."

"Shinpachi's right, Zura." The Yato laugh with panic. "Besides, you're a man. No matter how clever you hide it it will be discovered. I think it's best if we find a true woman, right Gin-san?"

Zura was touched with a fact that his leader really care about his well being that he didn't care about how his leader called him. "Don't worry, leader. I'm the ace of this Okama bar. And nearly every man who saw me as Zurako are all said that I was really beautiful, even more beautiful than most of the other woman. I'm really confident with my own appearance as Zurako. I bet I'll passed being a woman!"

Gintoki looked deep at his best friend. If you think about it, Zura as Zurako really is beautiful. He looked really elegant. If he walked on the street everyone would looked at him as a beautiful lady. Plus, he didn't have oppai. He's not that close with the gorilla, so he don't know his preference, but if you looked at Tae as the model maybe he did like a woman who don't have oppai?

Besides, he didn't have any choice here. If he had to pick who will become the cabaret girl between Kagura and Zura, obviously he'll chose Zura. He could become Paako, but he's unwilling, thank you very much.

Gintoki immediately twine his childhood best friend's shoulder. "Then, what are we waiting for? The party will be started soon, and the walk from here to shinsengumi headquarter are quite far!"

"Err…maybe I need to change my clothes?" 

Gintoki looked at Zurako. "You're already beautiful enough. Your make up are quite natural, and your kimono also beautiful. Quick, we need to hurry!"

"Eh… at least let me take my make up kit! You know it's the most important thing for a lady!"

"You're not a lady, baka! But whatever, hurry up!"

They were ran along the street, making them looked like that old ad when the youngster chase the sunset called youth, even if the youngster in the group were just 2 people. Being slightly behind, Kagura could only looked at Zurako like that evening drama about a mother and her daughter in law.

Cue evil sound tract. ' _Huh. Just you see, Zurako. In the end, I'll be the number one queen of the party. Ahahahaha!'_

 **I do think Zurako is really beautiful, what do you guys think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** : I'm really sorry for the delayed. I've no excuse. My laptop was broken and my data's gone. I lost my interest to write for a while but still I know I have to finish what I start. So there you go, the second chapter. There will be 4 chapter total, but seeing my holiday were over and I will be busy I don't know how often I could write, we shall see.

As usual, sorry for any misspelling, grammar mistake, and character OOC, seeing I don't own gintama and English is not my mother language.

 **Disclaimer** : the masterpiece called gintama belong to the great gorilla.

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Chapter 2: they said party is a best place to find romance, but that's bullshit anyway

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Theoretically, the party tonight was supposed to be the best party ever for a gorilla such as Isao Kondo.

Good food and sake, beautiful women specifically for you alone, friends liven up the part…

But, yah… what do you really expected from combination of yorozuya and shinsengumi anyway?

The food really is good, and plenty, but what can it do if it can't survive just for 5 minute (did we really have to ask why? Or maybe, who?). And not just that, but the lack of food makes the majority (all of it actually) of the shinsengumi officers to went to the kitchen to help cook. The remaining guest is actually quite liven up the party, if you count the nearly destroyed rooms (but really, what can you expected from yorozuya anyway?)

But afraid not. It won't hinder the party spirit of the gorilla. On the contrary, he actually quite enjoyed the party.

No matter what, the party were made just for him. Even if the majority (all) of the shinsengumi officers went to the kitchen, but still the remaining one in the room are his close friends and companions in arm. Yorozuya, Toshi, all came just for him, he nearly cried. The ruckus in the room actually help him forget the pain in his heart because of the rejection of his beloved Otae for how many times, even if it just a little.

Otae-san… still remained in his tiny brain of how her smile bloom in her face. How her kick in his ass still remained until now. How her stare like he is the lowest of the lowest in the entire universe make his heart beats abnormally. Everything still fresh in his memory like it just happened earlier this morning (or maybe because it _did_ happened earlier this morning).

It seems there's no other women as perfect as Otae-san for his entire life in this universe. Otae-san in his eyes is just like the true Yamato Nadeshiko. Beautiful, graceful, you can't blame him for falling in love with such a perfect woman. But the most important thing, her compassion which help him for his adversity because of the hairs in his ass, make him learn to appreciate himself more, make him want to be a better man just for her.

' _Ah…Otae-san…When will you ever accept my love for you…_ '

"Kondo-san. Here, let me poured you another sake."

Kondo could only looked at the beautiful woman beside him. Her face bowed down showing her beautiful skin on her nape, her face concentrated pouring him another sake looked really elegant. Zurako was indeed a beautiful woman, he give her that. Graceful, elegant, no wonder she is the number one cabaret girl in her workplace (at least that's what yorozuya said). Still…she's not Otae-san…

Zurako looked at her (his) client's face. "Ara, Kondo-san, Are you thinking about that woman who broke your heart?" Seeing his nervous face, Zurako could only chuckle. One hand hold Kondo's face gently while making him looked at the the eyes of this lovely young lady in front of him, with a gentle voice (and did he heard a hint of seductive voice?) he heard, "it's rude to think for another woman in the presence of a woman. At least, right now, just forget her and focus to me." Zurako smiled, making whoever watching their interaction blushed.

' _Katsura-san! You're too deep in your acting!_ ' But really, the only one who can hear the mind of this precious 18 years old virgin tsukomi are just God, author, and reader.

While the lady (man) keep getting closer to the blushing virgin gorilla, pressing his flat body and linked their hand.

"Ah! Not fair, Zurako! Why do you keep getting closer to the gorilla?!" said the only woman in the room. With such speed worthy of a Yato, she grab the other arm of the gorilla forcefully and mimicked her rival's actions, accidentally pressing her obviously not flat body to the gorilla. "Ne…Gorilla. Eat this fish! It's really good!"

Kondo could only sweat drop looking at the china girl beside him. Her excessive make up were just making her looked like clown, making everyone speechless, it's just that disgusting really. Plus, her service with her customer were rude and forceful. Still, her obviously bodacious body covered that flaw.

The gorilla could only blushed receiving that much attentions for such beautiful ladies (even if one is not looked that gorgeous right now. Speaking of which, he never knew that china girl have a feeling for him. Not that he mind, really (who are he kidding. Of course he mind! Their age gap! Kami-sama, he swear he's not a lolicon!)), but the most important thing is that there's women who want to consoled him right now in their own way, even if one is a flat chested and one looked like clown. Really, this is the best gift a virgin could ever receive, making him moved with the kindness of everyone in the room.

Dark aura suddenly infiltrate the atmosphere around the gorilla. Carefully he turned to the source of such an aura. A young man with sandy brown hair glared at him, making cold sweat poured from him. He's not a fool. He knew how his subordinate's feeling for the china girl of yorozuya. When they first met 2 years ago until now, they looked really happy playing around (fighting). Clearly this young man whom he considered his own son liked the china girl, love even. While it usually make him happy, seeing his own son has grown up, being an object of such jealousy from other man are still scary, especially from this man whose famous for being a sadistic prince.

A glare from the prince of planet sadist was enough, really. He really didn't need another glare from another man, especially if the said man is Hijikata Toshiro. He could see how his vice chief looked at him like he's enemy number one in his entire life, a look he never received from said man his entire life. Really he didn't expect he could see this kind of reaction from Toshi, Sougo yes, but clearly not Toshi. Yes. He knew what this glare mean, the graceful black haired beauty beside him. Again, he's not stupid. He could see the look in the vice chief's face when he first saw the woman, like she's his new prey, ready to strike, now if he could.

He proud of Toshi, really, he did, this stoic man could looked like that with other woman, especially since Mitsuba gone. He also proud of Sougo, this young man whom he considered his own son has grown up this fast. But come on….tonight is his night! Can't they give him this night just for once?

Gintoki who had been just eating, making him didn't realize the atmosphere of the party, said for the first time since he came to the party room. "Oi, gorilla! Congratulation for your 13.642 times of rejections!"

"It's not a thing to be congratulate about! Beside the number is wrong!" Megane said. "The correct number are supposed to be 2.967 times!"

"Err…Shinpachi-kun… it supposed to be 1.683 times." Mumble the Jimmy of shinsengumi.

"and you, Yamazaki-san. You supposed to be louder in this kind of situation. And you shouldn't said it with such hesitation, you would looked like you're inferior to them. No, it supposed to be like this…" Shinpachi take a deep breath…"IT SUPPOSED TO BE-"

"Gosh, you guys are loud. Your tsukomi are not important, just like your presence in this anime. Just looked at your popularity rank, really." Gintoki continue drinking his God know how many sake already. "Hee… at least the gorilla seems happy surrounded by such beautiful ladies. Great job, Kagura! Oi, oi, did you see my girl?" he said while nudge the vice chief beside him whose mood were already bad to begin with. "Ah.. too bad that gorilla woman are not here right now…"

"Gin-san, I don't know if you realized but IF THERE'S NO TSUKOMI LIKE US GINTAMA WON'T BE LIKE NOW! AND WHY DO YOU WANT THE PRESENCE OF THE ONE WHOM THIS PARTY ARE MADE BECAUSE? AND YOU PROUD FOR YOUR DAUGHTER SELLING HERSELF LIKE THAT?!"

"Don't mind it, Shinpachi-kun. You yourself see how drunk Danna is right now." Yamazaki said while biting his anpan. "That being said, why don't we played badminton outside. I don't know why but the atmosphere seems unpleasant right now."

Megane sighed. "We can't, Yamazaki-san. If we didn't stay who will became the tsukomi? It is our job to looked at them and reacted to the way it goes."

"Actually, Oogushi-kun here could became the tsukomi if you're gone, but clearly he busy ogling my daughter." Shiroyasha smirked, making the v bang shaped snorted. "Why in the hell name would I looked at a child clown like that? I haven't stoop that low, like someone beside me who could sell his own supposed daughter like that. If this is not a special day, I would have arrest you already for child prostitution."

Gintoki stood while knocked the table. "Did you just said my daughter is clown?! And child prostitution? No, no. You clearly are blind, Oogushi-kun, or maybe you took the sake too much. Looked at her, such a good girl sit beside the gorilla with such elegance." The perm haired guy continued drinking the sake. "Look how sweet she is today. I didn't realized she has already grown up like this, I'm so proud of her."

"Whatever." The vice chief poured himself another mayonnaise. There's many thing which is more important than a gushing drunk idiot, like…"Oi, woman. What's your name again… Zurako? Poured me another sake if you would?"

After looked at her (his) main client and with a nod of approval, Zurako moved to the new client and served him. "Don't forget to add the mayonnaise."

"Ah, Zurako-san. Please add this too in his sake." Said a deadpanned voice while bring out a bottle with skull on the table.

"Don't mind him." Said the v bang while grab Zurako's arm. "In fact, don't mind everyone else. Right now just focus on me."

Zurako blinked. "If you insist, sir…" She (he) then served this new client with such a manner like how a top cabaret lady supposed to do, you can't see even a tiny of a terrorist in him.

Toshi looked at this graceful young lady beside him. "You looked like you've used to do this."

Zurako smiled. "Of course. It's my job after all."

"Please tell me again, where do you usually work?"

"Ah.. I worked at the Oka-"

"She worked at my sister's place! Hahaha." Megane sweat drop. "She's the number one cabaret girl whose available only with request from high ranking man, if you wondering how you haven't see her around. Clearly she worked at such a good cabaret place, and clearly she didn't worked at Okama bar. After all, we give you such a genuine lady. Hahaha…" said the tsukomi nervously,

"Hmm.." the demon vice chief suddenly grab the lady's chin, looked at every corner of her (his) face, forced to meet his eyes from such a close gap. "You clearly are a beautiful lady. I'm sure you're popular among your client. Fact that Kondo-san happy with you are indicator enough that you good at your job."

"You flattered me, kind sir."

"I want to know you more." The gap were closer. "Why do you do this kind of job? Is it money? What about your family?"

"Ano..."

"Your dream? What about your friends? Do you have other job? How about –"

Gintoki smacked the back of the vice chief's head. "Oi, you clearly make her nervous. That's not how you're supposed to treat a lady."

"Hah? What do you know about woman? As far as I know you're also a virgin!"

"Stop! Gin-chan!" said the only woman in the room. Kagura suddenly grab Toshi's other hand. "I know you worried about me, Gin-chan. But Mayora here is my client. I need to entertain him because it's my job, even if he stink and reek of mayonnaise. That's why, just stop fighting, Gin-chan." Kagura winked seductively which failed epically, making everyone want to vomit. "Or if you want, I could entertain you later, Gin-chan. But wait for your turn." Kagura pressed her curvaceous body to her client broad chest. "don't you worry, Mayora. I will serve you well, better then that Zurako even. If you don't trust me just ask gorilla."

"O…oi! China musume!" the demon vice chief blushed looking at this girl with half his age pressing herself complete with her failed seductive gesture. ' _What the hell's wrong with this girl?_ ' "You…your chest…"

*brak* then silence, everyone looked at the captain of division one shinsengumi stood up while knocked the table, goose bump speechless when the captain walked crossing the room with such a dark aura surrounded him. Bang hide his eyes, he forcefully grab Kagura. "I want to talk to you outside."

"Hah? What do you want, sadist? Can't you see I'm busy right now? O..oi! don't pull me you chihuahua!"

Everyone just looked at the scene quietly at the duo sadist exited the room. Kondo-san shedding tears full of his proud looking at the boy… no… a man. ' _Toshi…did you see…our son has already grown up..._ ' ("Yes. Of course I see it, we're in the same room after all! And who the hell do you called our son?" said Toshi.) "Ah. Come on, everyone. Don't be shy. Let's just continue the party."

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"Oi you punk. Where do you think you take me anyway? Oi! Are you deaf or perhaps mute? Answer me!"

Okita just kept drag her until they arrived at the pond. Without any hesitation at all he toss the Yato into the pond.

"OI! ARE YOU PICKING A FIGHT?"

"Clear your make up. Did you looked at the mirror before you go? Ugly pig, even if it put on a make up as thick as it could, the fact still remained that it's an ugly pig. Get it?" said the sandy brown haired deadpanned.

A vein popped at her temple. With a speed worthy of a Yato, she drag the sadistic prince down to the pond. "Then you smoother your wrinkled face, you punk chihuahua! Even in the party you put on a face like that, making the atmosphere uncomfortable. Get it?" She then went out of the pond and headed back to the party.

A griped hand make the Yato stop, immediately she snap. "What the hell do you want now, you sadist? I've put that make up hours before you ruined it, how the hell do I continue entertained them without it?!"

"Well you just have to stop entertained them, don't you?" The sadist snap. "Just tell me the truth, China. What makes you act like this? This is not you, you know it."

"Haah?" Kagura glared. "I don't understand what you're talking about."

"I know have a brain of a shrimp, China, but please, try to evolve that brain of yours to the size of a proper mammal." Okita sighed. "You looked pathetic doing all that, you know? Entertained old men in the party. Don't you ever do that again, you hear me? It's disgusting."

Kagura kept glaring, making Okita continued, "why do you even do it in the first place anyway?"

"I've told you, I want to try to have a job like Tsuky and Anego."

"You would've give up the moment Danna forbade you." Okita kept his infamous deadpanned stare at the girl. "I'm not stupid, China. I know there's something happened."

Kagura kept the intensity of her glaring. "It's not your business. Beside, you don't care anyway." Kagura shrugged the grip in her arm and then walked away.

Okita immediately continue griped her hand. "I care."

Realizing what did he just said, Okita widening his eyes and put down his hand, while the Yato also widened her eyes hearing what she just heard. He immediately try to find a word to evade his confession, because really, now is just not the time yet. "No matter what, you're my rival. I won't be satisfied if I beat you when you're down like this. Anyway, you could even make it an excuse."

For a moment there's hesitation in the Yato's eyes. In front of her is the sadist, her annoying rival who kept looking for an opportunity to beat her. There's no way he shown his weakness to her, and vice versa (beside, maybe the sadist did lie to her to make an opening out of her).

Okita sighed. "Is it because of danna?"

Looking at the girl's blush, Okita knew immediately that he was right. Besides, the girl in front of him is an easy-to-read type of people. His knuckle turned white. ' _Danna, danna. Always danna.'_

Feeling useless to hide it anymore, Kagura started to talk. "I... I just want to make Gin-chan see me as an adult woman. I've already 16, my chest are also big enough." She graped her boobs while pouting, making the sadistic prince blushed.

"So, it's really true, then. You like danna?" It felt like someone squeezed his heart. It hurt just thinking about it, because he knew he can't win against danna.

"Of course I like him." Kagura smiled widely, stab his heart with her innocent word, even if he could barely masked the hurt. "Also Shinpachi, anego, and everyone." Oke, he didn't really expected this kind of answer, but yeah… maybe he did expected China to answer like this. "I just want to be seen as an adult already. I want to show them that I can make my own money, helping the yorozuya further. So when you gave us that request, I really want to do it. I know I can do it, seeing I'm a woman and sometimes I looked at how anego and Tsuky worked." Kagura pouted. "But Gin-chan forbade me. He still saw me as a 14 years old brat with no skill other than her abnormal strength and appetite."

Okita sighed. "Your brain really is a size of a shrimp." Without paying attention to the red faced China girl, he continued. "Of course danna see that 14 years old brat in you, he always will." Looking at the dejected face of Kagura, he added, "because no matter what, he saw you as his own daughter."

Kagura widened her eyes. "A father, in the depth of his heart, no matter how many times has passed, he would still see his own kid as a brat." Okita sighed. "Of course danna forbade you. No father want to make his own daughter work like that. Try to put your shoes in his place for once, will you?"

Okita looked at his rival, she seems to understood already judging for her expression. ' _Yah, I guess she understood already_ '. Feeling that his job were done, he headed back to the party room.

"Sadist!"

Looked at her rival eyes, Kagura takes a deep breath and said, "Thank you."

The sadist just nod

"And besides, I've tried it, you know. Gin-chan's shoes. His were bigger than mine, obviously." She said while smirking.

With a wave of his hand the sadist headed back to the party. "You should learned to take more care of your body, China."

Kagura could only stare at her rival's broad shoulder.

"Because someday that body will be mine."

Kagura widened her eyes. What was that? Did she hear right? Sadist really said that?

That punk, how dare he! Did he really said that he will make her his slave?!

"SADIST TEME! STOP!"

And in the middle of the night, a clash of sword and umbrella could be heard at the shinsengumi yard.

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In the party room, Isao Kondo, the star tonight, was lonely. His cabaret lady serves other man, his guests were talking with each other forgetting him. A drop of tear fall from his eyes. ' _I… I just want to became the main character for once. Popular, loved by the ladies, is it wrong?_ '

"Do you know how the jimmies like us became more popular, Shinpachi-kun?"

His drunken subordinate interested the gorilla. "We just have to be involved with our friend's love stories. Usually, love rival were highlighted and if we help the couple we at least get some spotlight."

Kondo was surprised. Love rival… no way. His love was for Otae-san and Otae-san alone. ' _But maybe I could help someone's love journey. Besides, it would help my image from being a gorilla to became… yah, at least a caring gorilla?_ '

Looking around, the only couple he could see are is his vice chief and the cabaret lady. He immediately execute his plan. ' _Hmm… how to get them became closer…_ ' Gorilla stand up. "Zurako-san. Do you have a boyfriend?"

Everyone stop their activities, looking a gorilla in the middle of the room going nuts. Maybe he was drunk? Who know what goes in gorilla head anyway…

"Ano… or maybe you have someone on your mind? Maybe someone with… well… a guy with v bang, black haired, and good job?"

Zurako goes quiet. Someone on his mind? A widow and ramen pop up in his head.

"What do you think about our Toshi? He's a great guy. Respectable guy, and…"

"O… oi!"

"I have someone I always think about actually." Everyone goes quiet. Only a clash of umbrella and sword were heard outside. "She is the most amazing person I've ever met."

"She?"

"She -"

"She is Gin-san!" the megane quickly pushed the shiroyasha until he collide with the cabaret lady. Gintoki paled looking around the room. He's not an idiot (he is actually). He knew why patsuan did it. After all, if they let Zurako kept talking, not only Zurako was exposed, but Ikumatsu could also be involved. Yes, he understand… what he doesn't understand is that WHY SHOULD IT BE HIM?

Looking at everyone eyes laid upon him, Gintoki could only laugh nervously while looking for an excuse. "Ah… she called me a she earlier because… ah… she sees me as a woman?" he nervously look at everyone's do-you-really-think-we-would-believed-that-kind-of-excuse eyes. He looked at patsuan searching for help, but the tsukomi could only stare him back nervously. ' _DAMN THAT USELESS GLASSES!_ ' "She sees me as a woman because… ano… because… yes! I know! She sees me as a woman because that's how she sees me for the first time!"

"Explain, yorozuya!"

Cold sweat poured from his body looking at the infamous glare of the demon vice chief of shinsengumi. "Ano… remember the incident when we switched gender? That's when we met for the first time. She still kept calling me like that. Geez, you know, some kind of new foreplay? Hahaha… "

"Gintoki? What are you talking about? You forgot? We –"

' _SHUT UP YOU ZURA!_ ' "Ah… if you still didn't believe me… I… WE ACTUALLY ARE GOING TO BE MARIED SOON!"

*prang* a glass broke out from falling. For a moment Gintoki looked at patsuan, his face paled like he nearly fainted. Everyone in the room looked with such shocked face, nobody dare giving his comment, that is, until one voice rang through the silenced room.

"Danna, you shouldn't told us such good news in the middle of a gloomed theme party like this one."

"That's right, yorozuya. Think about my feeling –"

"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT!" Ah. After a long damn time the vice chief giving his tsukomi. For a moment he glared at the ahemhappyahem couple while said "proved it."

"Wh..what, Oogushi-kun? I don't think I've heard you the first time. Hahaha."

"Proved it that she's your girlfriend, fiancée even." Hijikata glared at the shiroyasha. "Kiss her."

Everyone goes quiet. "Wha… kiss?! You want me to kiss her?!"

"Why? You can't do it?" the vice chief smirked. "You guys are engage, even implied that you guys sometimes do _it_ , and you haven't even kissed yet?"

"We… we kissed!" Gintoki paled. "We kissed every day! Watch this!" he forcefully grab Zurako's cheek. His face getting closer… Gintoki's complexion really pale… Shinpachi was really near fainted, Yamazaki had to hold him. ' _Shinpachi-kun… are you this virgin you can't even looked at kisses from a couple?_ '

Their breath mingle with each other. Cold sweat poured down from Gintoki's face. The gap were getting closer… ' _Good bye, my pride_.' Their lip nearly touched while a force separated them. Gintoki could only widened his eyes confuse of what the hell's happening.

"Wh… what…"

"He hadn't being engage with anyone, especially with this slut. No, I won't believe it."

Gintoki popped his eyes when he felt someone hug him. He looked at the body. That voice… that hair… oh no.

Why the hell does the situation became complicated like this?

"Because actually… I'M THE ONE WHO'S GETTING MARRIED WITH GIN-SAN!"

"SA-CHAN?!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** : I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry for the delay…

As usual, sorry for any misspelling, grammar mistake, and character OOC, seeing I don't own gintama and English is not my mother language.

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Gintama. If I did I already made OkiKagu cannon.

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Hijikata Toushirou is not a stupid man. After all, he is a vice commander of the notorious Shinsengumi, feared and respected by his subordinate (except the first division captain). His work required him to always focused on every detail no matter in which situation he's in, even in his day off. You will always had enemy in every situation you're in, that's what you get the moment you got in the Shinsengumi, so it's natural to always keep alert of everything around you.

The moment she (he) walked in, he already had his suspicion on her (him). That long black hair made into a side ponytail, posture and the height. Even with a make up or voice that was softer than usual, you can't just hide your natural gender that easily after all.

Hijikata was 100% sure, this cabaret woman in front of him is actually Katsura Koutarou, the leader of Jouishisi.

Huh. How bold. He knew he's in Shinsengumi's headquarter and he dared to show his face in this place, unarmed. He hoped the Yorozuya really didn't know about his real identity, because if they indeed were working together, he will also had to arrest them. Suddenly the fire he had once lost were coming back.

Hijikata Toushiro swore, this night, no matter what, Katsura Koutarou would be arrested.

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Chapter 3: sometimes, uninvited guest is the one who make the party lively

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"SA-CHAN?!"

Every eyes were looking at the uninvited guest. The girl kept clinging to the silver haired man who just kept sit still with his dead eyes because of the shock. The lavender haired ninja glared at everyone in the room while the glasses pulled his own haired with such frustration that can make you got bald if you kept pulling it like that.

"WHYY? WHY HER TIMING ALWAYS BAD?"

"Ano… excuse me." Said the gorilla who had already recovered. "Did you said that the Yorozuya is your fiancé?"

"Yes. That's right." The girl snort. "We already planned to get married tomorrow."

"Eh?! That soon?" Like a frog ready to be eaten by the snake, the gorilla froze seeing the girl's glare. With such carefulness you won't ever got by the said gorilla, he continued, "But what about Zurako-san?"

"Zurako-san?" looking at the cabaret girl in the room, Sa-chan laughed like the evil mother-in-law in many afternoon drama. "Gin-san would never like this transvestite. After all, he like genuine women with large boobs like mine." Sa-chan clung harder than before, her breast pushed to the arm of the perm haired man she clung to. "Ne… tell them the truth, Gin-san."

"Transvestite?" Hijikata glared.

"Eh? Is that true?" Kondo looked at the boss of Yorozuya with such innocent eyes.

"A..ahahaha. What are you guys talking about? I already told you, I and Zurako-chan will get married soon." Gintoki nervously laughed while trying to be free from the grip. "Besides, I don't even know this woman. Look at my face, do I looked like I fancy some M stalker girl like her?"

"Gin-san… how dare you…" the ninja looked straight at the perm's eyes with her teary eye, making Gintoki started to feel bad for a while (the key word is for a while). "What about that night when you *** me and ****. Or the *** you did for me, Oh, and ****. How would you explained that? And *** and –"

"Yorozuya, you can't be like that." Kondo shake his head full of disappointment. "No matter what, she's still a girl. A frail and innocent girl who need you right now. You had to take responsibility."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I NEVER DONE IT ALL IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!"

Sa-chan shivered to the glare from Gintoki. "Kya…KYAAA! GIN-SAN. GOOD, GIN-SAN! GLARED AT ME LIKE THAT! AH…GIN-SAN! YES! THAT'S FEEL GOOD! PLEASE PUNISH ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT!" The crazy stalker squealed, making everyone in the room sweat dropped.

Zurako stand, making everyone's eyes immediately drawn to him. "Hey. I don't know who you are or what's your relationship with Gintoki or what's your problem with me, I couldn't care less about it. But if you dare make my friend felt uncomfortable, I won't hesitate to do whatever I need to make you sorry!"

Sa-chan who just kept focusing on her Gin-san that entire night, for the first time in that night, really looking at the cabaret girl. With such glare she then said, "my problem with you, is that you kept clinging at Gin-san, like he really loves you. Such delusion! He clearly loves me! You said that I making your friend uncomfortable, but clearly you disturb said friend's relationship! You and your fake elegance can just go to hell, you damn transvestite! Everyone know how fake you are!"

"Transvestite? Fake elegance?"

Sa-chan snort. "Hah. You face structure is that of men. If I didn't know better, I would say that you're a man disguising as a woman. Everyone know it already. For example…" Sa-chan looked around. "That really plain guy over there! Clearly he looked disgusted at your appearance. Oi! Said it! I'm right, aren't I?"

"What? Me?"

Zurako shrug. "You can talk all you want, but I'm sure you won't be able to satisfied men like I did. You can't say that you're a woman if you can't do that, after all."

"Hah! I just need that ability to satisfy Gin-san!"

Zurako snort. "If you can't even satisfy one man, clearly you can't satisfy Gintoki. He's strict about his woman after all, and that's one of the reason he choose _me_ to go to this party, instead of you. Isn't that right, Gintoki?"

"Wait. Don't involve me you damn - "

"Interesting." Sa-chan crossed her hand and smirked. "So you challenged me to decide which one of us is the true woman. Sure. I accept your challenge. We'll seduce one of the men in here and make him decided which one of us is the winner."

"You can choose. Whoever is he, I'll win after all."

"So cocky, we'll see who had the last laugh." Sa-chan looked around. ' _I can't choose Gin-san. I don't want him to be seduced by that transvestite. That gorilla is too stinky, that glasses look like he's still a virgin, he won't understand the art of seduction. Hmm.. Ah! that's right.'_

"That v bang guy over there! We'll seduce him and see which one of us is the true woman!"

"Oi! What the hell?"

"Ok. Just you see, this will be a piece of cake."

Both woman (well, one of them is a guy) grab both arm of the notorious vice chief of Shinsengumi. The glasses girl pressed herself onto him while the black haired one with such elegance trying to feed him.

"Oi, stop! Stay away from me!"

"Ah, how cute! Don't be shy like that. Here, you can feel more."

"And you! I'm full already! Just go away!"

"Toushirou-san. I know you want it. Don't be shy and just eat."

"At least give it some mayonnaise!"

"Oi! Are you heard me?!"

"Stop!"

' _WHY DID IT BECOME LIKE THIS? AND KATSURA-SAN, YOU'RE A MAN IN THE FIRST PLACE! WHY DO YOU WANT TO PROVE YOUR WOMANHOOD ANYWAY_?'

Hijikata who can't hold it anymore immediately stood up. "Enough!" Everyone stop their activity and looked at the demon vice chief of Shinsengumi. "I had it enough with all this!" He suddenly looked at Zurako. "You! I already know your true identity, so you can stop your act. Just tell us your real name. I know you're Katsura Kotarou, the leader of Jouishishi!"

For a moment, times seems to stop.

"A..ahahaha. What are you talking about, Oogushi-kun. Zurako is Zura? Impossible!"

"Ye.. yes, Hijikata-san. You're clearly mistaken." ' _IMPOSSIBLE! HOW CAN HE KNOW? THEN WHAT WILL HAPPENED TO ME? I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE JAIL MUCH LESS DIE DOING SEPUKKU_!"

"I don't know if you're involve in this, Yorozuya, to invite him here knowing he is Katsura" Hijikata pulled Zurako's hair. "I know you're using a wig! Just reveal yourself already, Katsura!"

The said man immediately stood up and grab the demon's hand, force him to release his grip. "I don't use any wig! And that's not how you do it if you want to revealed me, you should do it like this!" Zurako grab some glass of tea in the table and poured it to his face. With his make-up gone, the one who stood there is no other than Katsura Kotarou, the leader of the notorious Jouishishi.

Everyone could only look at the scene, eyes wide opened.

"KATSURA KOTAROU!"

Times seems to stop at that moment. Nobody dared to open his mouth to start some conversation. Only the sound of umbrella and sword was heard clashing each other outside of the room.

Gintoki stood up and opened the shoji. With such speed he threw a glass to the direction of the sound. "Quiet! Don't you know that this is an important situation? If you want to flirt just go to some desolated park or wherever you want to!" The glass hit the two young adult's head, successfully knock them out and making the room quiet again.

' _AHHH! WHY DID ZURA HAD TO BE AN IDIOT LIKE THIS_?!'

In a blink of the eye, everyone stood up, hands reached their own katana. From Hijikata, even Yamazaki held it. Not forgetting Saito Shimaru with his double sword style.

"Wait! Since when did Shimaru-san stay in this room?!"

Everyone looked at the tsukomi. The Shiroyasha said with his deadpanned voice. "You didn't notice? He's already here since chapter 2. How could you, Patsuan."

"BUT THE AUTHOR DIDN'T MENTION HIM FROM THE BEGINNING!"

Gintoki picked his nose while showing the glasses some pictures. "Nah. Everyone but you had already notice him from the beginning. Just look at this. In some of the panel you could see a part of his signature hair. You're just careless. Don't feel bad, it's ok. Everyone sometimes do that. But you had to be extra careful next time, you're the tsukomi after all."

"THIS IS FANFICTION, NOT MANGA! HOW COULD I LOOKED AT THE PICTURES LIKE THAT?!"

"Besides, the author had already told us that the remaining one in the room are gorilla's close friends and companions in arm, so of course Shimaru-kun also present. Unless..." Gintoki looked deep at the glasses. "You forget his existence…"

Shinpachi gulped looking at the third captain of the Shinsengumi. "A… ah… no… I just…"

"Enough!" the v bang demon cut the unimportant conversation made by the author to lengthened the story. "What's important now is Katsura." He made a stance ready for battle. "Prepare yourself, Katsura!"

People in the room immediately draw their weapon. Yorozuya in the side just looking at the battle with horror in their eyes, while Sa-chan eat the leftover food in the table (What? Did you forgot her existence?). Yes, deep down in their heart they know that this will happen sooner or later, you know, what could you expected from Yorozuya anyway? But today was supposed to be a good day, why couldn't they get a peaceful day, even if it just for one day?

Hijikata's katana nearly cut his enemy's long hair when suddenly a voice stop him. "Stop! Toshi!" All the occupant in the room immediately drawn to the source of the voice, a gorilla siting at his throne, not moving even by 1 inch. "Put your katana back."

With hesitance, the demon vice chief of Shinsengumi follow his superior's order. "Why, Kondo-san? Katsura is in front of our own eyes! Why can't we catch him now?"

Kondo raised his eyebrows. "Katsura? Isn't she Zurako-san?

Hijikata swore he really need his mayonnaise right there and now. He respect Kondo-san, really, he is. But sometimes, his superior can be.. how did he put it in a nice word… dense?. "Kondo-san! Don't you see? He's already revealed himself as Katsura. We need to arrest him now before he ran away!"

Kondo sighed. "What I looked in front of my eyes right now, Toshi, is an elegant woman named Zurako, the number one cabaret girl hired to liven up this party." Kondo looked at his subordinate. "Why did you fight against some innocent frail woman like her. Our job is to protect the citizen, not making them feel uneasy."

"But Kondo-san –"

"No but." Kondo smiled. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's continue the party, the night is still young after all. Come, Yorozuya, don't be shy."

And the party continue just like that. It did feel awkward for a moment, but after a few minute and the Shinsengumi are getting drunk, the awkwardness is gone. You can see the Jimmy of Shinsengumi put some mayonnaise to his anpan while Hijikata beside him give him some lecture about the history of mayonnaise and it's benefit for our health (if there is any). Zurako continue to be by Kondo's side, serving him some sake. The party was very lively and everyone was laughing.

Sa-chan keep clinging to Gintoki, pressing her chest to the Shiroyasha while the said man looked at the party without trying to release himself from her grip, face flushed because of the alcohol. They both looked at the star of the party and his cabaret girl.

"You know, Gin-san, I can't stop to think that the gorilla actually knew that bitch's real identity."

"You're right." Gintoki drank his sake while looking at the 2 men. "Clearly he knew, maybe even from the start. I don't know why he said all that stuff, maybe he just want to be civil with Katsura even for one night, but who am I kidding. Maybe he just didn't want to ruin this party made especially for him, he rarely got times to shine after all."

Sa-chan put her head onto Gintoki's shoulder, eyes still trained to the unlikely duo.

"But at least, just for this night, they looked like old friends meeting for the first time in a while."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N** : So sad that Gintama is ending, and especially the newest chapter (I can't believe it! Seppuku? Really?) Anyway sorry for the wait this is the last chapter.

English is not my mother language so forgive me for any grammar mistake and misspelling.

And sorry if the character seems OOC

 **Disclaimer:** I wish I can own Gintama, obviously you guys know which pairing I will make it sail.

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Chapter 4: aftermath of the party is the worst part, so always prepare aspirin all the time

Gintoki woke up with the worst headache in his entire life. The sun shone bright through the shoji's slit, reminded everyone on the room to wake up. ' _Right. Last night we all join Gorilla's party_.' While holding his head, he looked around the room, pile of bodies scattered across the room like some scene in many mystery afternoon drama. He's shocked the moment he looked at his condition.

' _Oi, oi. Why am I naked_!?'

As if to answer his question, a naked woman body woke up beside Gintoki, making the latter scream. "Ah, Gin-san. I guess you woke up earlier then me, tee-he." Gintoki widening his eyes with panic seeing the purple haired woman beside him.

"SA-CHAN!"

"Ano… Gin-san… I just want to tell you that you were really great last night." Sa-chan said while blushing. "Ah… Gin-san… I just really happy with the fact that we could finally do it last night."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING!"

"You don't remember, Gin-san? About how you *** and *** me, then you *** and-"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE DETAIL! NO, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE ALL OF IT!"

With such hurry the silver perm haired man rushed to the glasses in the corner of the room.

"Oi! Wake up, Patsuan. How long do you plan to sleep like that. There's urgent problem here and you just sleep!"

Glasses woke up while rubbing his eyes. "Ah? Danna? What happe-"

"Patsuan! You need to help me. There's this crazy woman who think I've done it with her and I don't remember it all and I know it was all just a big joke like in chapter 336 and –"

"Danna. Calm down first. Try to remember the detail. Maybe –"

"HOW LONG WILL YOU GUYS DOING THAT STUPID JOKE? I'M RIGHT HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! AND HOW IS MY GLASSES IN YAMAZAKI-SAN?"

The glasses wearing human immediately took his partner off from Yamazaki and wear it again. "But back to the topic, it's possible that you really did it all and don't remember, Gin-san. Last night you're really got wasted. Besides, we're all really didn't have the mood to do that kind of joke like last time."

"Ah… Gin-san. How dare you to forget last night. Just so you know…" Sa-chan looked at the floor while blushing. "… last night was my first time…"

' _OI YOU CRAZY STALKER! HOW DARE YOU TO BLUSHED AT TIMES LIKE THIS_!'

"But it's okay, Gin-san. The scar you made in my heart, as always, successfully makes me falling more in love with you, even though I prefer you to remember the pleasure you gave to me. tee-he."

' _WHAT PLEASURE?! AND WHY ARE YOU HAPPY BEING FORGOTEN LIKE THAT YOU M STALKER?!_ '

"Now, now, Gin-san. At any rate what's done is done, the problem now is how to proceed from here. By the way, where is Kagura-chan?"

"A… ah! Right! Kagura!" Gintoki looked away from Sa-chan's hopeful eyes and open the shoji, shocked looking at his adopted daughter's condition since last night.

"OI! HOW DID SOUCHIRO-KUN SLEEP AT KAGURA'S CLEAVAGE LIKE THAT?!"

But before the sweet tooth went outside to the sleeping couple, a voice interrupted him. "Oi! Why are you all yelling at this early in the morning?"

What makes the Shiroyasha pale was not who did the voice belong to, but in what state the owner of the voice looked. His limp walk, his messy v-shaped bang, and especially his messy clothes as if he put it in a hurry, Gintoki suddenly have a bad feeling. "Ano… Oogushi-kun… what happened to you?"

"Hmm?" The raven haired man focused his eyes to Gintoki's dead fish eyes, his glare looked like it can kill. "Are you saying that you forgot what you just did to me last night?"

' _WHAT? WHAT ELSE DID I DO WHEN I WAS UNCONCIOUS LAST NIGHT?_ '

"So you're this type of person, doing something like that just because of alcohol. Yah, I already knew it, you're a bastard after all. But at least, I… I want you to take some responsibilities for what happened last night. After all… it was… my first time…" Hijikata said with such red in his face even though he looked cool like always, or should we said, he's trying to be as cool as he can.

' _WHY ARE YOU TALKED LIKE SOME BLUSHING HIGH SCHOOL GIRL? YOU ARE THE DEMON VICE CHIEF OF SHINSENGUMI!_ '

"So, what's next? You're going to take some responsibilities or what?"

"O… oh! Me too, Gin-san!"

"NO! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE ALL OF THIS! I WOULD NEVER DO SOME THREESOME WITH SOME CRAZY M STALKER WOMAN AND A MAYO LOVING MAN IN MY WHOLE LIFE! I WOULD NEVER DO IT! OI, ZURA! TELL THEM SOMETHING. I'M RIGHT, AREN'T I?! I DIDN'T DO IT, DIDN'T I?"

Silence. "Ano… Gin-san, it looks like Katsura-san already went away. He left some letter in the table."

As if on cue, all men in the room gather at the letter held by the glasses. Patsuan read the letter so that everyone can hear.

 _Dear all._

 _Thank you for last night. Even though the place was dirty and stink but I'm having such a blast. The food were really plenty and the sake was delicious, but the most important star of the party, are you guys all who liven the party last night. I'm truly grateful._

 _For Gintoki. You should really control your lust. You three were really loud, and you even want to do it to me and the glasses too. Thank goodness I immediately knock you up and makes you unconscious._

Shinpachi immediately shiver and looked to Gintoki who paled hearing it as if he is a number one pest. ' _Thank you, Katsura-san_.' He then cleared his throat and continue.

 _For Shinsengumi, thank you for continuing the party even when you figured my identity out as if nothing happened. I really appreciated it, and especially for Kondo-san. Thank you for taking me as one of your best friend even for one night. I prayed for your success getting that girl of your dream._

Everyone in the room didn't have anything to say, too stun hearing the terrorist's letter. Yamazaki with tears and snot immediately turned to his back. "Kondo-san. Did you hear it all?"

Silence.

"Are… Where's Kondo-san?"

"Ah! There's still more!"

 _Ps: I put a bomb in this room, as a gift for our new friendship. I guess by the time you reach the end of this letter, the bomb will blow up in 3… 2…_

"KATSURA!"

*BOOM*

88888888

Kondo truthfully just want to take a morning walk for a sec, you know, to ease the headache from last night. It started with a simple thing like that.

So why did it became his regular stalking activities like right now? 

Really. Meeting Otae-san in the middle of his morning walk like this, is a pleasant coincident for the gorilla.

Until Otae-san tossed a rock to his direction, successfully hitting his head.

"Ara, Kondo-san? I think I saw some stalking gorilla, must be my imagination. What are you doing here?"

Kondo gulped looking at his crush's glare like he is a dirt. "A… ah… Otae-san. What a coincident to meet you at this place and time. Hahaha. I really just taking a morning walk to get rid of the alcohol from the party at Shinsengumi compound last night, I didn't have any intention to stalk you today, really!"

Tae raised her brow. "Party? Is that where Shin-chan went to last night, even forget to tell me and didn't went home? I was worried about him!"

"Ah, yes! Shinpachi-kun really drink a lot last night. Looked like he enjoyed the party very much last night!"

"Kondo-san…" The female gorilla's face darkened, making the gorilla gulped. "Did you just told me that you, who is of age, watching my dear brother who just turned 20 this year to drink and you allowed it?"

Kondo sweated, held his hand on air and shake his head. "N… no! Of course not! Ahaha. Of course Shinpachi-kun didn't drink a lot, did I just said that? Ahaha. He didn't drink at all at the party which, by the way, totally not to get over your rejection. Besides, is there a party last night? I didn't remember at all! Ahaha. Must be the alcohol."

Seeing Kondo sweat like that, Tae sighed. "You know, Kondo-san. I always thought you're really cool."

Kondo, hearing that, widening his eyes. "Eh? Really?"

"Of course." Tae smiled. "You are the respected chief of the notorious Shinsengumi, and I could see how you really care for your subordinate and civilian. You do your job really well. When you were caught, to be honest I was really scared. There's no reason to not see you as someone cool." Tae smiled softly. "To be honest, if you're not a stalker like this, I sometimes think I want to go out with you."

Kondo widening his eyes comically. Did he really hear that? The words he long to heard, words he never thought he would hear, right now was said by the person he long to hear it form the most. With such twinkle in his eyes, Kondo immediately held his beloved Otae-san's hand and said, "well then, will you go on a date with me, Otae-san? Obviously, my treat."

Otae smiled, making his heart beat faster, hoping this time his beloved finally saying yes. After his 1.683 rejections, finally, he done it! Suddenly, he found himself on the ground, his beloved looked at him from above with such disgust in her eyes. "There's no way I would go with you. Did you see your look right now? I must be crazy if I want to go with a man with only his boxer in the middle of the crowd this early in the morning, you pervert gorilla!"

Otae walked away with such a hurry. After a few steps she stopped for a while. With a blush she mumbled without anyone hear it in the empty road. "Even though I really meant what I just said, you baka gorilla."

Meanwhile, Kondo could only look at the sky. With this he was officially rejected for 1.684 times. Maybe he could make a party again when he was rejected for 2.587 times.

' _Oh_ _Otae-san… when will you ever accept my love_?'

But if you think about it, if he can meet Otae-san this early in the morning, maybe today will be a good day.

88888888

Omake 1

Gintoki sipped his strawberry milk slowly, his usual dead fish eyes turned annoyed with his newfound roommate situations. It's been 1 week after Kondo's rejection party, but it seems these 2 guys didn't have the intention to go back to their home. Moreover, they just make a mess in his home.

"Darling Gin-san, I have washes all your clothes! When will we do some *** and *** again?"

"Oi, Gintoki! I already put your letters in the table! Next time pay more attention to those letter. Oh, and it seems you haven't paid all your taxes!"

Truth to be told, he honestly couldn't take it anymore. "WHY ARE YOU GUYS ALL IN MY HOUSE?!"

The purple afro haired woman put her hand on her hips and looked at the silver afro haired man in front of him with her brow raised. "Of course I'm staying here, Gin-san. Husband and wife stay in one house after all."

The black afro haired man with his v-shaped bang looked at Gintoki while drinking his mayonnaise straight from its bottle. "Well, you said it yourself that you will take some responsibilities. And the only thing you can do is to take us to become your new spouses. So yeah, that's why we're here."

"BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY, DOESN'T IT?"

Sa-chan looked at the Shiroyasha with a puzzled look. "But it's the only way."

"Gintoki…" The demon vice chief glared at Gintoki. "Are you saying that you didn't want to make us your spouses?"

Gintoki sweated. "Err…"

"Gin-san..."

"Gintoki..."

They both glared. "You will take some responsibilities, don't you?"

Gintoki could only nod. ' _Kami-sama, have I been wrong to you this whole time? Why do I always end up like this?_ '

88888888

Omake 2

Kagura looked hesitantly at the box in front of her, the sender's name at the box makes her chill. ' _Sadist…_ ' Present from him usually end up being trouble, makes her hesitant to open the box. ' _Could it be bomb?_ '

"Kagura-chan. How long do you intend to watch it just like that?"

Kagura looked at the glasses. "Shut up, Patsuan! You know this thing just smells trouble to us all, and you take it just like that!"

Hijikata lit his cigarette, earning some glare from Gintoki. "She's right, you know, present from Sougo always end up being trouble after all."

Shinpachi sighed. "But it's not like we could abandon this box in front of our door." Seeing everyone on the room looked at him, he sighed again. "Alright, alright. I will be the good bait like always and open this box."

Kagura suddenly pushed the glasses away. "This is addressed to me, yes? So I will be the one to open this box!" Everyone in the room looked nervously at the yato girl who open the box with such carelessness, until after she dump all the content of the box on the table, everyone especially Gintoki widened their eyes.

Chains, handcuff, whip. Name it all, every SM things are in the box. Gintoki looked at it with such red in his face while Kagura said, "ah! There's a letter."

Gintoki immediately took the card and read it.

 _China_

 _Congratulation! After the event in Kondo-san's party I suddenly got some revelation, that your boobs had got bigger. I guess it's time to take you as mine, and that's why I give you all this items, so you could learn the art from the start. All of these are best qualities, so be grateful._

"Ah, he's right. these are all best qualities. I always want it but it's too expensive. Woah, you're really lucky, Kagura-chan."

"SHE'S LUCKY MY ASS! THIS IS NOT AN APROPRIATE ITEMS TO BE GIVEN TO A GIRL NO MATTER HOW OLD SHE IS, AND ESPECIALLY TO KAGURA-CHAN! TELL HER, GIN-SAN! Eh? Where's Gin-san?"

A silver afro ran across the street, his eyes lit with such passion, in his mind there's only one thing, and that is to kill a certain division one captain of the Shinsengumi. Holding his bokuto tightly, his scream can be heard across the Edo.

"SOUICHIRO-KUN!"


End file.
